Do you feel there is a gender war going on, especially in the black community?
If you’re like me you’ve noticed to plethora of podcasts, experts, social commentors. They’re offering their views and advise on relationships, the opposite sex and the problems with them. I’ll always endorse debate and discussion.
However (and at the risk of only adding to the buzz) I feel that there is a lot of finger pointing. “the problem with women is…” “Men are just…”. My gran once told me when you point at someone be mindful three fingers point back at you. Basically, look at, be accountable for, heal from, explore your rational.
In a time when it’s so blatant that the world doesn’t care for us, a world that continues to demonstrate its injustice towards us, a world were we continue to have to fight to protect ourselves that we ought to be also fighting each other? It’s all well and good pointing fingers but let’s talk about the solution. Not who’s right or wrong. Not turning tables. If we look at a lot for the rhetoric and narrative it would sound like we don’t wish to be with eachother. Yet, most of us will profess to only loving and wanting #blacklove.
There is no one route to creating and connecting as a ppl when it comes to black love but we sure can stop and reflect and work towards solutions cause in this battle of the sexes nobody wins.
His dick stroke was God. When he was on top of me. His back would recoil. Arch backwards. Then slowly his pelvis would tilt downwards into me. His abs would flex, offering more leverage to his tilt and his length, his broad girth would part my walls. He would clench his ass as if he was squeezing the last inches of his deep strokes. Then when he reached the root of my yoni he’d push his entire body up the length of mine. Pause. Then slowly recoil backwards. All this in one smooth, unhurried motion. Repeatedly. With intent. Until I crumbled like Jenga.
I’ll let the blog do your thoughts but would love to hear your thoughts, experience and questions if you’ve got any. Let’s talk.
With the ‘wifey material’ mentality nobody wins.
Not the ‘sexual’ women, not the ‘wifey material’ women, not even the man.
Men (and society) are conditioned to believe women who own their sexual agency are not ‘wifey’ material. These women are not seen as modest. They don’t attach shame, guilt or hide their sensuality and as a result are not respected, valued or deemed worthy.
Women who uphold the status of being ‘modest’ or don’t express or hide their sexual agency are seen as ‘wifey’ material. They save themselves for their future husband/a good man and uphold the modesty status as a badge of honour and virtue and generally viewed as ‘good girls’, domesticated, home-makers etc.
The issue: sexually liberated women excite most men – but also scare them too. Men will sleep with them, lust after and desire them – even love them. However, they are seen as tainted, impure, unworthy of the status of ‘wifey’.
‘wifey material’ women are unable to excite these same men as a sexually liberated women does. These men struggle with being able to simultaneously love, respect and sexually desire their ‘wifey material’ woman the same way they do a sexual liberated woman. It’s basically either or. And in some case these men then (some, not all) cheat on their wives with same sexually liberated women.
Sexually liberated women (who wish to be a wife and very much deserving of marriage), are ‘left on the shelf’ or ‘for the streets’ and boxed into the dimensions of not being suitable wife. They are not even given basic respect, love, value the deserve. They are viewed as sexual object and objectified rather than as a person.
These men who marry a ‘wifey material’ woman are then ‘trapped’ in a relationship, marriage, situationship because they’ve been told the sexually liberated women is undesirable. They are unable to see their wife in any sexual way as they associate it with being a whore.
Bottom line is – nobody wins. We all need to recognise, unlearn, challenge and deconstruct this ‘wifey material’ mentally. This is not all men, it’s not all women but it is an issue for all sides.
Here’s our five top tips to help men last longer in bed. Try it out and let us know how you get on.
Breathe: The first tip is to try and slow down your breathing. when excited or anxious our breathing changes. during sex learn to take deep, slow, long breathes – it’s like erotic meditation. It helps reduce stress/anxiety, slow your heart rate and clear your mind.
Vary your pace: As side from the fact that most women don’t enjoy jack hummer pounding a tip to not only pleasing her but help you last longer. Go slow, pause, change position (but not too often), vary the depth of your strokes.
Practice kegels: these aren’t just for women. Men who do kegels can benefit from stronger erections, delay orgasm and to top it off have more intense orgasms.
Get some supplements: There are now numerous natural herbs and supplements available that offer a range of benefits to help improve men’s sexual performance. The benefits range from balancing of hormones, boost libido, enhance endurance and more. Some of these are:
Maca (black, red and yellow)
Horny goat weed
Knock one out before hand: It’s a little well known fact that most men perform better in round two and last longer. Well, if you masturbate beforehand your second round will technically be your first. There is the caveat that it may take time to reboot for round two so bare that in mind.
Brown Sugar: A Collection Of Erotic Black Fiction | Edited by Carol Taylor
Brown Sugar brings together some of the most acclaimed voices in today’s black literary world — Sapphire, Natasha Tarpley, Reginald Harris, and Pamela Sneed, among them. These titillating stories cover the full spectrum of black experience and identity as they reveal sexuality and sensuality in all their varied and exotic forms. From the subtle to the graphic, Brown Sugar embraces the ardor and passion of black love and lust, and will appeal to both men and women. Featuring both well-established authors and promising new writers, this one-of-a-kind collection represents the past, present, and future of black literature at its pleasurable and outrageous best. It is a must-have for every lover, as well as every lover of first-rate fiction.
My words… have the kind of girth that will fill you Stretch your imagination open Shift the walls of your beliefs Expand your sense of self My words… have the length to go deep into your purpose Plough into the subterranean formation of your being reach the foundation of the walls of your unfullfilled pleasures cause them to crumble so you can spasm architectural realisations My words… curve and enter you at ancient Egypt mathematic angles they will cause you to become wet with hope, spasm inspiration, moan affirmations and orgasm 3rd eye accession My words…
Watermelon is rich in an amino acid called citrulline, which relaxes and dilates blood vessels much like Viagra and other drugs meant to treat erectile dysfunction (ED).
Watermelon is a natural source of citrulline. Citrulline is an amino acid that may support better erections.
Viagra works by increasing blood flow to the penis, allowing a man to more easily get an erection when he is aroused. Citrulline may do the same thing, although it works in a different way to Viagra.
Research suggests that the body may convert citrulline to another amino acid, called arginine. Arginine converts to nitric oxide. Nitric oxide opens the blood vessels wider, increasing blood flow to the penis and improving erections.
Because watermelon is mostly water, the highest concentrations of citrulline come from concentrated watermelon juice.
I feel this is something I ought to raise on this page. Adding to the conversations about #SaveOurChildren and young girls being protected I feel that young boys can get overlooked.
I can only speak from the perspective of my community when I talk about this issue.
Many, young black boys are conditioned and socialised to view sex as an achievement, a prize. The scene of innocence and vulnerability isn’t there when it comes to their first sexual encounter.
The whole sow your wild oats, boys will be boys etc starts young. And because of that many older women, not just girls a few years but significantly older women will sexualise boys. They’ll entertain their hormonal advances or even instigate sexual exchanges knowing they won’t be called out. And even if they are it won’t be taken as serious as if it were a man doing the same to a young girl.
There is a load to unpick about this issue. What’s your thoughts. Your experience.