How to be a Dominant …

How to be a dominant.

Firstly, I must say I wouldn’t describe myself as a dominant in what might be the conventional and traditional sense. However, I do have ‘dominant’ tendencies and I most certainly like a woman how enjoys being a sub and submissive – I’d like to say being a sub and being submissive are, for me, two different things (that’s a blog within itself).

Secondly, this is by no means a ‘guide’ but more my thoughts. Being a Dominant requires a partner who is willing to offer you his/her greatest gift – their submission.

Being a Dom IS NOT about making demands, “you must call me Sir,” or “you will obey me.” In my opinion, dominance is not something that someone can’t command of a submissive, it is something that is earned, given … Just like respect and trust. The more aggressive and dictorial the demands it, the less likely it is that anyone will ever grant it and you have failed to understand what it is to be a Dom.

Below are my ‘points’ on what it takes to be a Dom.

1. Dominants are accepting. Accepting of their submissive. Accepting their limits and limitations. Nurturing their flaws, and guiding them to overcome their fears and shortcomings.

2. A dominant is compassionate. They have the ability to offer comfort and security during times of need. Without compassion you are not a dominant, but merely a sadist.

3. A dominant should act with respect and manners. They should act with dignity and avoid being rude or outright cruel in their actions. By all means a Dom will ‘push’ their sub but it’s done with compassion, support and encouragement.

4. A Dominant should act with humility or the ability to judge one’s own self-worth. They do not put their needs ahead of those of their submissive. They do not demean or are derogatory towards others to feel better about yourself

5. Dominants should display loyalty, an unending devotion to their submissive. A desire to have their submissive know they are safe, secure, and protected in all aspects of their life.

6. A dominant should be patient. A dominant is the key to the growth and success of their submissive. They should be willing to invest time, avoid frustration, and be there to celebrate their submissive’s achievements.

7. A dominant is responsible. In control of their actions, and accepting of the results of their actions; good or bad. They should apologize when they have made mistake, and rejoice when they have achieved.

8. A dominant should be respectful at all times. Of his peers and of his submissive. A dominant who is incapable of showing respect, will not earn respect. A dominant should also maintain a high level of self-respect, without the need for narcissism, pride or vanity.

9. A dominant is only as good as his/her ability to serve their submissive. By safely, sanely and consensually applying their natural dominance over a situation and their submissive. For you are only a dominant as long as someone is willing to submit to you.

Again, these are not hard and fast rules just my thoughts. For me, this is what it is to be a dominant … So when a woman says she wants to be your submissive, gentlemen, remember these words ….

1 Comment

  1. This despite being your personal take on your definition of dominance, is refreshingly balanced. Maybe being a sub or dom as the case may be a lot more interesting than I originally thought.

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